mermaiding | INBOX @ Cerealia

[He huffs a little, slightly offended.]

I was wondering if you were going swimming outdoors despite the temperatures, and if I should make sure you weren't going to hurt yourself, that's all. I wouldn't intentionally harm you, of all people!

[One, because he has no reason to. Two, because she would totally murder him and there would be no escape. He doesn't need to anger the murdermaid any time soon.]

I suppose you're in better shape than anyone else would be if you did, especially the humans, then, but I'm glad you haven't tried it.

I do not like the pool. It smells and there are almost always humans there making it worse. [g r o s s.] Any places outdoors would likely be similar, yes? Ew.

[Heh, stroke her ego more.] Of course! That is natural. It is only going to get colder here, yes? Am not looking forward to it, despite being prepared. Have to wear more clothing. I do not like it.

Besides, prefer being warm. Why is there even snow? What does snow even do? [She sounds slightly mad at the very existence of snow now that he's thinking of it. IT'S NOT EVEN REAL WATER.]

When you say it like that, I can't imagine why anyone would go swimming, even in the better weather.

[Is it time for a mutual complaining session?]

But the cold is rather terrible, isn't it? I hope it doesn't get worse, as well, but it seems as though they target people sensitive to these things specifically. It never gets quite this bad where I come from, either, and finding hats and layers that fit is ridiculous, on top of it all!

[He's so bitter about having to wear layers and actual pants, and he sure isn't keeping it out of his voice.]

[it's always time for mutual complaining session]

Hats! I hate hats! What is the point of a hat!? It itches and makes hair look horrible! And pants! Who invented a pants? Why doe it have an 's' at the end like it is more than one, but is only one pant!

Like shorts more, even if they have same 's' problem. [language is awful and oona hates everything] But they leave more freedom. But clothing is awful in general. Why do people care so much?

I have never met a hat I could tolerate, and pants are even worse! They're too long, and they keep you from moving freely... Really, they're irredeemably terrible.

[But whoa, hang on. He's gotta explain some things to her now, namely:]

Are you really asking why people care about clothes? Is that much not obvious?

[But he's going to explain it anyway, because this is his main bias.]

It is because clothes can be beautiful and make people look even more beautiful themselves, if they're the right kind. They can shine as brightly as jewels, even!

[??? ??????]

What? No. Clothes can not shine like jewelry, do not be silly. They are useless things. Natural bodies are much more beautiful, should not be covered up so.

They look so stupid!

[Them's fightin' words, Oona.]

Oh, yes, they most certainly can shine as bright as anything! You not having seen them does not mean they don't exist.

[He sighs in a ~you don't know what you're talking about but let me indulge you~ way.]

Besides that, humans would die in this sort of weather without them, so they can't go around completely bare, even if you'd prefer it.

You are talking nonsense. [she waves a hand, though he can't see it.] Clothes are useless and dumb.

[There's a soft 'ha!'] So? You say that like it is a bad thing. Perhaps the world should freeze over, just a little.

Is your hair also useless and stupid?

[Flawless logic.]

And if it did, we'd all go with them, clothed or not. If you're going to have them die, at least leave the other species out of it.

[He's flapping his hand right back, though he can't see her doing it. It's the universal sign of annoyance.]

Yes. But, it is needed in human form, because that is what humans look like. [Not that she doesn't like her hair, because she very much does but SHUT UP CYNBEL OKAY GOD.]

Did not say other species had to die. Adapt. [Like it's that simple?? But she makes a thoughtful humming noise] Isolated then. Maybe there needs to be another-- What was it called? Plaque? Plague!

Not all humans have hair, Miss Oona, though yours is very pretty.

[Oona being bald would be pretty funny, though, so he giggles at the idea.]

Now, a plague that only targets humans... That might very well be the best solution, if you really needed all the humans dead! I haven't the faintest idea how you would make it happen, however.

...Thank you, I think. When you make compliments, I think you are making fun of me somehow.

[THE GIGGLE CERTAINLY DOESN'T HELP]

Am sure there would be a way.

...Not that I would need do much, really. Humans will kill themselves out before long anyhow. Self-destructive, yes?

Perhaps a little, but your hair is very lovely, truly.

[He's not gonna deny it; he knows he's a little brat and doesn't care at all.]

Oh, yes, they are very self-destructive, on the whole. The problem lies in how short their lives are, and how quickly they breed. For all their flaws, they spread quite quickly. Rather like ants, in fact.

Flatterer.

[You can practically hear the eyeroll,but she still preens a little...]

Was going to compare to rabbit, but ants is better. Rabbits are cute, and ants are not. Tch. How did they become ruling species? Is not fair.

They say those things--aliens?-- are responsible for the worlds being destroyed. Perhaps they are trying to do a favor.

[Aiming at Oona's vanity wins again.]

Oh, rabbits are an apt comparison, as well... But they are not nearly so industrious, so seeing them take over would be quite something!

[His voice drops a bit of its cheer, sounding a bit angry now.]

But if they were aiming to get rid of humans only, they really should have aimed more carefully. Not everyone on our worlds were that kind of people.

Edited 2015-04-27 01:54 (UTC)

I, for one, would accept our new fluffy masters.

[Oona hums in agreement, the sound of her fingers tapping aggressively probably heard loud and clear over the cerevice.]

Yes, can agree with that. Perhaps they thought it better to wipe it all clean. The worlds too tainted by human hands to salvage.

Tch. Annoying. Still should have done better job, very sloppy. [Is it Critique the Strategies of Hostile Aliens Hellbent on Destroying Everything Hour?]

[Meme queen Oona is terrifying, oh god. But mutual verbal tear downs is apparently the one thing can they agree on, and Cynbel makes appropriate agreeing noises back.]

Precisely. Whatever their reasons, if they had a good one at all, they were lazy and careless! In fact, it misses the point so thoroughly that one could argue they are more like humans than most other species, even on their worst day.

[He huffs, still annoyed.]

I suppose a rabbit coup is the only solution, now.

[she heard u liked memes bro, so she put memes in her memes so you could meme while you meme'd...]

Am glad we are in agreement. Do you think they would take offense to such truths, if they were forced to hear it? [She laughs a little.]

Ah, if only we could truly know why they did it. Perhaps they had good reason. Perhaps the people here are lying. Who knows? We can not speak with the aliens, apparently. Shame.

[Critiquing your would-be murderers sounds like a good time, so he laughs back.]

Oh, if they could understand us, I should think so. Especially if they were trying to get at us, while they were at it.

If we ever get the chance, I will certainly say it to them. If nothing else, it will feel quite good to tell them the truth of what they've done.

INBOX @ Cerealia

audio; i was expecting her to just get mad but this is 1000x better

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audio; oona-sensei is the best

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